


Five Times Lian Was Embarrassed by Her Dads, and One Time She Embarrassed Them

by quiet__tiger



Category: DCU (Comics), Outsiders (Comics)
Genre: 5 Times, Embarrassment, Family Dynamics, Gen, Humor, Like High School Isn't Hard Enough, M/M, Parents Are Gross, Parents are embarrassing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Having Dick Grayson and Roy Harper as your parents is awesome in theory, until it really isn't.OrDick and Roy are too sexy for their teenager, and she's going to die of embarrassment.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Roy Harper
Comments: 9
Kudos: 113





	Five Times Lian Was Embarrassed by Her Dads, and One Time She Embarrassed Them

1.

  


"Your brother is hot."

 _Not again_. "I don't have a brother."

Sofie leaned towards Lian's bedroom door, like she wanted to peek down the hallway to the living room but didn't want to look like a weirdo, despite it being too late for that. Instead she stared at the wall for a second like she could see through it, which, really, wasn't entirely impossible, just unlikely. "So who's the hottie in the living room?"

"That's my dad." Lian loved Dick with all her heart, but this was embarrassing every.single.time.

"Your dad? Did he have you when he was like ten?" Sofie looked both skeptical and somehow disappointed.

"He's older than he looks. And technically he's my stepdad, but he's known me my whole life and married my dad when I was little. So."

"Oh. So he's gay." Now she was definitely disappointed, like there was any hope of… _anything_ anyway.

"No. I don't know. He loves my dad, that's what matters." Lian sat on her bed and pulled a notebook out of her backpack. "Can we just work on this stupid paper?"

"Sure, sure." After one more glance towards the wall, Sofie sat down at the foot of Lian's bed. Lian turned on her laptop, and waited. "So… Does he have any younger brothers?"

 _And there it was_.

"No, and yes." At Sofie's confused look, she added, "It's kind of complicated…"

  


2.

  


"In your face!" Jayden leapt from the couch and started dancing, celebrating his win in the game they were playing. "I'm a better fighter than you!"

"In your dreams." Jayden didn't know that in real life, Lian could wipe the floor with him without breaking a sweat, with or without weapons. Video games, however, were definitely Jayden's domain.

"Another round?"

"Sure." Their options were to play video games or to argue over what movie to stream, so at least this way they weren't really fighting.

They were only into the second of three rounds in the next fight when her dad came into the living room. "Oh hi, honey, I didn't know you had a friend over." That wasn't surprising; her dad had been on a ton of missions lately and probably didn't even know it was Saturday, especially since he'd slept in till almost three o'clock.

It _was_ kind of surprising that he was wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist, muscle mass and scars clearly visible for Jayden to see. ...which was probably the point, that he knew a boy was visiting, and he wanted to show Jayden how much of a badass he was, and that the boy should stay away from Lian.

 _God_.

"This is Jayden." _My super gay friend who will never be attracted to me._ "You've met, you dropped me off at his birthday party a couple of months ago. His mom works at the library."

"Right! Yes. The sweater with the books embroidered on it. I remember her. Um. So, a little _Fight Star_?" He nodded towards the TV, where Lian's fighter was getting her ass kicked by Jayden's.

"Yeah."

"Can I get winner?"

Rolling her eyes, Lian answered, "If you put on a shirt."

"Oh, well then maybe I don't want to play."

"Dad!" It was one word with three letters, but it clearly meant 'please get dressed and stop embarrassing me before I have to kill you in your sleep.' Or at least she hoped she was getting her point across.

"All right, all right. Save me a seat. Looks like I'll be playing Jayden."

"Go away."

"Love you, too."

As he walked back down the hallway she wondered if she could use the controller to club her father to death, but then Jayden whispered, "I'd forgotten how hot your dad is."

 _Please, God…_ "He's not hot. And he's old."

"Dude, my dad is fifty-two. Like, almost old enough to be your dad's dad."

"He's still my dad. Like, cleaned up my throw up as a kid, grounds me, won't buy me a motorcycle, and is still clueless despite being younger than a lot of other dads."

"But… _hot_." Jayden glanced over the back of the couch towards the hallway, like he was trying to catch one more glimpse at her dad's bare, hairy, scarred skin. _Gross_.

"Whatever." Lian used Jayden's distraction to use her character to impale Jayden's. "I win. Guess I play my dad."

"That's fine. I'll watch."

She didn't ask if he meant he'd watch the game, or her dad, because she didn't want her dad to need to clean up her vomit as a high schooler.

  


3.

  


Lian's guidance counselor, Mrs. Hernandez, looked at the clock again. Wanting the ground to open up and swallow her whole, Lian explained, _again_ , "My parents run late. A lot." Never by choice, but you tell gang members and super villains and criminally insane lunatics that you have to go be at a parent-teacher conference, and see how far that gets you.

"I understand. Everyone has busy schedules." The 'like me and the three kids I have meetings with after this' was implied.

At least Lian wasn't in trouble, the school just liked having check-ins and she couldn't keep rescheduling hers anymore. "He'll be here soon."

It was another couple of minutes of furtive glances at her phone just in case she received a text before Dick finally knocked on the office door. After Mrs. Hernandez told him to come in, she couldn't hide her reaction, the one where her eyes widened and she flushed. Lian squeezed her eyes shut before turning to Dick and opening them.

He'd been at work, yes, but he'd clearly gone home to shower and change, because he didn't wear a suit to work, but he was wearing one now. It was one of the ones that Bruce had gotten him for corporate charity functions, tailored to fit him like a second skin and that cost more than the motorcycle her dad wouldn't buy her. Mrs. Hernandez's eyes raked up and down his lithe frame, fabric clinging and covering in all kinds of ways, and Lian was embarrassed for all three of them in the room. No one else seemed to care that he was ridiculously overdressed for this meeting.

Dick ran a hand through his thick hair in an 'aw shucks' gesture that she'd seen him use on her father a million times, and the effect was the same now. "I apologize for being late. Sometimes it's hard to keep a schedule with my line of work."

"Oh, that's perfectly fine, Mr. Grayson."

Mrs. Hernandez—emphasis on the 'Mrs.' and the fact that she was old enough to be Dick's mom— was also not immune to the thousand watt smirky smile he shot her as he offered, "Please, call me Dick."

"Why, okay." She was practically fanning herself, and Lian wanted to die. "Well, Dick, please sit down. I just wanted to discuss Lian's progress, and where we think her studies should focus."

"No problem, ma'am. Her dad and I want the best for her, and he's sorry he couldn't make it today."

"Oh, that's not a problem," but she sure looked like it was as some of the light faded from her eyes. There was that disappointment again—that Dick was not her bio-dad and was married to a man—and Lian was never sure if it was because Dick was with a man, or because he was just off the table in general. Like those were the only reasons that undressing him with their eyes in front of Lian would be okay otherwise.

Lian let out an exasperated sigh. She wanted to be at home, not talking about the rest of her high school career. Dick winked at her, and it was clear he knew exactly what he was doing. "Sorry, kiddo, you know how it is."

"Uh huh."

Turning back to Mrs. Hernandez, and making Lian want to gag, Dick asked, "So, tell me all about our pumpkin and how we can help her be her best."

  


4.

  


"This isn't quite right."

 _Not now_. "Dad, it's fine."

"But that's not how the hogans were constructed."

"It's just a model. They didn't go back in time, shrink an actual building, then transport it back here to put into the diorama."

"But… they aren’t even facing east. Who runs this museum?"

It was official. Lian was never going anywhere with either of her dads ever again. Dick had already ruined the science museum and their display on aerodynamics—as if his body were more perfectly shaped for flying and gliding than a damn airplane—and now her dad was critiquing the Museum of American Culture's display of Navajo history and artifacts. "It doesn't matter."

"But it does matter. Culture should be preserved properly. Especially at the culture museum."

"What about my chance to get through high school without dying of embarrassment? Can we preserve that?"

"I just want to talk to the director so they can get this fixed." He looked around until he spotted a security guard. "I'll be right back."

Lian hid her face in her hands as her classmates and teacher couldn't help but see her dad charge across the gallery floor like he was about to beat someone down. All because someone didn't make a model properly. Behind her, Everleigh asked, "Is your dad gonna kill that poor guy?"

"I hope not." Opening her eyes, the guard looked pretty, well, off guard as the muscular man in a sleeveless t-shirt accosted him, asking to speak to the museum director. Her dad was such a Karen sometimes.

"It's so hot. I mean… Look at his arms, he keeps flexing them. And the tattoo!"

"That's my _dad_." What the hell was wrong with everyone?

"Yeah, but he really kept in shape." It was because he still actively fought crime and trained _a lot_ , but Lian wasn't about to get into that.

"Whatever. I'm going to go back to the Central America wing and hide until it's time to go back to the bus."

"Uh huh. Can he bench press me?"

"I don't know." Probably. Everleigh wasn't all that big.

"Can I ask him to?"

Clenching her fists so she didn't scream, Lian stalked away. The next time her class went on a field trip, either she was going or her dads were going. Never together ever again.

  


5.

  


"What is your problem?"

Tristan kept turning his head around, and squinting into the darkened theater behind them. "There's two guys making out in the back row."

"So? Leave them alone."

"I'm not interrupting, I'm trying to watch. It's hot."

Lian really needed more friends who were either into girls or into no one. Except on her other side, Lila was also twisted around, and Lila had never so much as looked at a boy before. "He's right, they are kinda hot."

"Just watch the movie. The thing you paid to come see."

Tristan argued, "But there's almost porn happening behind us. Oh my God. The brunette just disappeared."

Brunette? _Please, God, no. Not here._ "Disappeared like went poof into a cloud of smoke?" _Come on, magic. Don't fail me now._

Lila twisted around more. "No, like went to his knees."

Twisting so much he almost knocked his soda into Lian's lap, Tristan concurred, "He's gone. It's just Big Red looking like he's having a good time. Well, looking like he's not trying to look like he's having a good time. You know what I mean."

Lian wanted to cry. Her dads were _here_ being _perverts_ and _why did the universe hate her?_

Sounding sad, Tristan said, "Wait, false alarm. The brunette is back up. Maybe just dropped something."

Lila twisted back frontwards. "Dropped trou, maybe. They're totally doing it."

Not able to help herself, Lian turned around, and that was definitely her dad and Dick, kissing. _So gross_. She turned back around and looked at the movie, no longer seeing it, but if she got up to leave, she might be spotted. She had told them she was going out to get pizza with Lila and Tristan, but didn't say that afterwards they were going to an R-rated movie that she wasn't yet old enough to see.

She made her friends sit through the credits, and tried to hide under her jacket, and hoped to any deity that would listen that her parents had left the theater without spotting her. Unfortunately, as she gathered up her trash, she glanced back and saw the two of them standing there, arms crossed over their chests. Sighing, she climbed over Tristan to get to the aisle, and her friends watched her march to her doom.

"Hi, Dad."

"Lian." Her dad frowned. "This movie is rated R."

She rolled her eyes. "Like I haven't seen gun violence and breasts before."

"Not the point. I'd've bought you a ticket, but you weren't truthful about where you were going. That's why I'm mad."

"What about you being NC-17! My friends saw you making out. ...and stuff."

Dick made a face. "There was no 'and stuff.' We can't quite bend that way anymore to get it on in a theater seat with other people around."

Her dad facepalmed. "Dick. Not the point." To Lian, he said, "Come home with us. We'll discuss your sentence on the way."

"Because I didn't tell you I was seeing a movie?"

"Because we can't protect you if we don't know where you are." Leave it to her dad to manage to bring up every horrible thing that had ever happened to any of them with one non-graphic sentence.

"Fine." She stomped back down to Tristan and Lila, who openly gaped at her.

Tristan hissed, "That's your dad?" She nodded. "I get it now."

"Get what?"

"His DILF status. Both of them. I'd heard the rumors, but… Rawr."

"Shut up."

Lila looked over her shoulder, clearly following her dads as they walked down the stairs and past them. "Can I be punished, too?"

"You don't even like guys!"

Affecting some sort of character voice, Tristan said, "They are not guys. ...they are men!"

"Whatever! I'll see you at school on Monday."

"Are you being dropped off? Can we watch?"

"Shut up."

When she exited the theater, she found her dads standing there waiting, holding hands, and she felt a little guilty. Was it really so bad to have parents that were still so into each other? She should be proud of them being together, and proud to call them her dads.

She had almost convinced herself, until Dick pulled his hand out of her dad's grasp and smacked him on the ass. "Let's head on home."

"Sounds like a plan." Roy grabbed his hand back, and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

Lian scowled. "I hate you both."

"I know, honey. I know." Her dad winked at her. "We love you, too."

 _Gross_.

  


+1

  


Roy watched the training skirmish below, wondering if he should get involved or not. The newer Titans were getting their asses handed to them by the older Titans, which was fine, but he didn't want anyone to get hurt, either. That wasn't what this was about.

Dick dropped down beside him, and Roy heard his knees pop. He'd say they were getting too old for this shit, but Bruce and Ollie were still at it, so it wasn't like they could quit without proving that the OG heroes were somehow better. After settling, Dick asked, "How's it going?"

"Good. No serious injuries so far."

"Where's Lian?"

"I haven't seen her, I don't think. No red costumes down there, and I don't see anyone using her fighting style."

"Hmm." As they watched, two more young Titans joined the melee, appearing in the middle of the fracas as if one of them was a speedster dropping the other one off. "That's gotta be her, right? The brunette? She just did that flip spin I taught her years ago."

"And she's using a bow like a club. But…"

"But she's dressed like a porn star."

Roy was so mad he knew that if he interrupted the training he'd say something he didn't mean, and he didn't want these kids thinking of him as the angry dad of the group. Lian's classmates, he didn't care about at all, but these were the kids he needed to trust with his daughter's life. So instead he sat and stewed and watched as his little girl fought in an outfit that covered barely anything, that he wouldn't even want her wearing to the beach.

It was horrifying.

Afterwards, waiting outside the locker room, Dick slipped his hand into Roy's. "Be cool."

"I am so goddamned cool I'm practically frozen!"

"So you're shivering with cold, not shaking in anger?"

"Yes."

"Uh huh."

Finally Lian exited the locker room, wearing the costume he'd been looking for, that Dinah had designed for her. Yes, it still showed more skin than a ski parka, but she had to be able to move in it as well as have it protect her. What she'd been wearing half an hour ago… No way. Upon seeing them, Lian froze. "Dad. Dick. Um. Hi?"

"Nice outfit, honey. Looks good."

"Better than the stripper getup you were wearing during training."

She flushed as she deflected, "What are you even doing here?"

"We wanted to watch you join the team. Be the supporting mentors that Dick and I only sort of got." He stood straight, looming over her. Sort of. She wasn't his _little_ girl anymore. "But then here we are, and you were wearing an outfit that can fit into a cupholder."

"It's got more material in it than what Kory used to wear." She turned her pointed glare at Dick.

Who flushed. "Let's not bring Kory into this." Lian was right, though; Kory was smoking hot in her costume, what little there was of it, but he did not want anyone thinking of his pumpkin that way. "Why were you wearing that?"

"This little arrow skirt is stupid. And I don't want these tights."

"Well, you're wearing them until we can find something you do like that doesn't make you look like a streetwalker!"

"I like my new costume! I look hot!"

"I don't want you to look hot!"

"Well, I want to. And I can."

"Not if I have any say in it."

As father and daughter glared at each other, Dick offered, "There's got to be something in between hooker and school marm, guys. Let's work together and compromise."

Lian scowled. "Just once, I'd like to be hotter than the two of you."

"Huh?"

"You two, and your sexiness and your flirting and your stupid happiness. I'm the laughing stock at school!"

She looked so angry, but Roy wasn't going to just back down. "Because Dick and I are young and handsome and happy and involved in your life? I'm not gonna apologize for that."

Looking sheepish, Dick added, "But we can maybe tone it down. I can wear clothes that aren't skin tight. And I'll stay away when your friends come over."

Roy sighed. "And I can try to keep my hands off Dick. I mean, when other people are around."

"And shirts? With sleeves?"

"It's hard to find shirts with sleeves that fit."

"Then hoodies. Jackets. Long jackets."

"Fine." He eyed her up and down. "And you'll wear a costume with fabric? And armor? You aren't invulnerable, and I'd rather not have to clean your blood up from the pavement." Because he would never forgive himself if something happened to her, even more especially if it was because she was wearing remnants as her costume because she felt somehow 'lesser' or self-conscious because of him.

"Fine." She gave them a small smile. "It's a deal."

Roy pulled her into a hug. "Thank you. And you should have told us we embarrass you that much. Although it's kind of our job. We're supposed to love you and feed you and embarrass you."

"Well, you're good at it. All of it."

Dick came up behind Lian and wrapped his arms around Roy, squeezing them all into a Lian sandwich. "And here I thought I was being a cool parent."

"You are. You're just embarrassing as hell."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Suddenly there was a gust of wind and another set of arms clamped around them. "Can I join in on the Harper family hug?"

"Sure, Wally. You here to watch the training? You're late."

"I was banned from attending. Apparently my kids are ashamed of me."

Lian was muffled against Roy's chest. "But you're Uncle Wally. You're the best."

"Not to them. I'm just their embarrassing old dad."

Smirking, Roy said, "Join the club."

Wally pulled back. "We should totally make a club. The Embarrassing Dads Club. Where we can complain about our ungrateful kids the way they complain about us."

Dick asked, "Can we write new dad jokes? And plan even more ways to be embarrassing? Lian has a gymnastics competition coming up. Want to make some matching shirts with us to wear to support her?"

"Oh my God, do _not_ do that." She looked horrified.

"I'll make a banner. Or pom poms."

"Can I make up a dance? Let's make up a dance."

"I hate you all."

"Love you, too, pumpkin. No matter what." _So long as she burns that monstrosity of a costume_. But tit for tat, Roy supposed, in a weird sort of inappropriate way.

He just had to go find out who designed the new look and made it, so he could break their kneecaps.

**Author's Note:**

> There was a story with this theme on Livejournal ages ago, way better than this one, but the journal got purged and I don't remember the name of the story, just that Lian was embarrassed by her friend checking out Dick, and he made it worse by intentionally entering the kitchen shirtless or something. I was thinking about it, and wanted to do my take on it.


End file.
